The King of the Ill
by Pendleton Weird
Summary: Jake has moved out with Lady Rainicorn, and Finn has little joy left in him. When Princess Bubblegum has a problem with a new group of people in the Candy Kingdom, will Finn be able to reconcile with her? Or will it ruin their friendship forever?
1. Bored

The blonde young lad, out hero, completely and utterly consumed with boredom, had sat with his posterior glued to the antique couch for ages. More specifically, it had been 1 month, 2 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 57 minutes, and 40.849 seconds since he had last moved beyond the bathroom, and even then only sparingly.

Ever since Jake left with Lady, Finn had been a state of slow, agonizing peril. What was there left to do? Without his bro, he couldn't imagine running around killing foes. It would be just as boring as his current activity.

Stirred from his thoughts, the phone rang. It almost seemed like a dog brought out in the rain to take a dump, shaking off the water. (Or, in this case, the dust of neglect.)

Finn sighed. He missed his dog.

At the fifth ring, he propped himself up on two legs and began limping on his sleepy limbs towards the device. It took two more rings, but he picked up just in time. "Hello?" he croaked to the other side.

"Um... hello, Finn." Oh Glob. He didn't have the patience right now for this. He had never been able to cope with Bubblegum's uncalled for remarks at first, but a year later, he had almost forgotten she existed. Almost.

And now she was calling him. Why she was saying something to him, he hadn't a clue. He wasn't ready to show insubordination to the ruler of the Candy Kingdom (more of a princessipality), though, so he responded with a forced, "What's up?"

"There's a big situation right now involving a lot of people with nowhere to go. I understand you aren't in the best condition right now, but your assistance would greatly relieve the problem. Please come to the palace as soon as possible. Okay?"

Finn could barely stutter out an awkward "okay" in answer. He really didn't want to face her like this. He couldn't even find his precious hat in the mess he called his tree house, and his hair was unkempt and untidy, not to mention so long it covered up most of his face. After quickly hanging up, he took five seconds to cut his hair, put on new clothes, and get BMO (just in case boredom crept into his mind on the way). And then, he was off.

Without Jake to give him a ride, it took much longer than expected for Finn to drag himself and BMO to the castle, but they managed to get there in less than an hour. Peppermint Butler was waiting at the doors, looking at his candy watch all the while. On sight of our hero, he quickly grabbed Finn's hand and snatched him up (without the video game system), not letting go until they reached a high balcony. The Princess was looking out over the edge, but turned once she heard the two tumble in.

"Oh, hello Finn, " she managed to say before taking note of his luscious blonde hair standing out from the pinkish-purple theme to the building. Finn blushed quite madly, suddenly remembering how embarrassed he is when people gawk over his head. Bubblegum composed herself, however, and asked Peppermint Butler to leave the room. Once he was out, she started talking.

"Has anyone told you about the Baldites?" she asked.

"Um... not really," the boy replied.

"Well, legend states they came here a hundred years ago, when the kingdom was developing. They were a small tribe of bald, sickly nomads. When their chieftain asked us if they could settle with us if they foraged for food themselves, our prince _agreed_. They were an insignificant minority ever since, but recently, somehow, their population has boomed! Now these bald, puking, ungrateful _butt faces_ are crowding the streets with litter and _diarrhea_!" By this point, her face was turning blue from yelling, so Finn quickly brought over a chair for her to sit in. Bonibel took a second to compose herself before sitting herself down.

"Anyway, Finn... we are thinking of relocating them to an area specifically designated for their kind. I need you to encourage them to comply. People trust you. If you think something is the right thing, people know it's the right thing. Not even I can do that all the time." She paused to sigh, then got to the question she had been meaning to ask all this time. "Will you help, Finn?"

The boy thought it over. She didn't sound very humble about all this, but how could he deny PB?

"A...alright..."


	2. A Little Hint of Awkward

**NOTE: I forgot to mention that Finn had given his hat to Jake as a souvenir. That's why he had an exposed head in Chapter One. Heh, heh... Oops... ;)**

**NOTE 2: Thanks for the reviews. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten you. Well, now that I've remembered, I haven't. : )**

Once again, the hero boy was sitting lifelessly in his seat. Today, though, he was going to leave for the Candy Kingdom, on PB's orders. It wasn't time to go yet, but Finn wanted to cover his luscious hair this time. In making a new version of his hat, he barely bothered to make it look nice (he was still feeling like "the stuff", anyway).

By the time he threw together some random white paper, tape, and Glob knows what else, it was time to leave. Finn remembered not to bring BMO this time, so he put on his crap hat and set out alone.

Eventually, he reached the castle, though this time it was Bubblegum herself waiting for him. "Oh, thank goodness you're here!" she said, simultaneously sighing in relief. "I almost thought you'd forgotten."

"Well I didn't," Finn mumbled back. After a short awkward pause, he decided to make decent conversation. "So, what do I have to do?"

"Oh, yes, of course," she replied, pulling him in the direction of a large, slowly moving crowd of people. "These are the baldites. We are moving them to a separate area of the capital. It has amenities for them, because we don't want to torture them, of course"

"Okay, good." Finn halfheartedly mentioned as to keep the conversation from getting one-sided.

"Yes, we just don't want them using up resources needed for the candy people."

"PB?" the boy asked, looking up for once.

"Um... yes, Finn?"

"Why do we call them 'baldites'? Can't they just be 'bald people'?"

"Oh... I'm actually not sure... I guess it just sounds more professional." Another pause followed, but Bonnibel soon continued. "Anyway, we need you to encourage them to follow through and move. They know of your status as a hero, and if you think it's okay, they will, too."

"Meh... alright, I'll do it."

"Oh, thank you, Finn!" Bubblegum squealed as she hugged Finn. As they both realized how disgustingly awkward he situation was, they squirmed away, and all the boy could do was let his cheeks go blood red as he followed Bubblegum into the square.


End file.
